Who’s In Charge?

by Cubby on August 25, 2012 · 1 comment

Who’s in charge down at the NYPD Academy? How do they teach their officers to fire their sidearms?

Yesterday a disgruntled former employee of some New York City company confronted one of his ex-coworkers on the street and shot him to death.  The shooter calmly walked away.  NYPD caught up with the killer and shot him dead on the sidewalk, but in doing so shot NINE INNOCENT BYSTANDERS!  What the fuck!!  What do they teach cops nowadays?!

I looked up the NYPD rules of engagement and found the answer:

1. Don’t panic.

2. Just kidding, go ahead and panic.

3. Point your weapon in the general direction of the guy you want to blow away.

4. Close your eyes tightly, it helps with your concentration.

5. Yank on the trigger wildly until your weapon stops firing. If you have more ammunition, reload and repeat.

6. Display absolutely no regard for public safety, especially if you are within 6-8 feet of your target.

7. Collateral damage? Never heard of it.

8. Hide behind the usual defenses of “necessary force” and “following established police procedure”.

9. Don’t worry, you are immune by law from any civil action as long as you follow the above steps, so fire away! Have fun!

Tony P August 26, 2012 at 9:44 pm

Yeah – the 9 collateral shootings were totally unnecessary. I can think of a few different ways NYPD could have handled this situation without excessive risk of injury to bystanders.

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