How Men Piss

by Cubby on April 15, 2011 · 25 comments

Have you ever looked at your friends or coworkers taking a piss at a urinal and noticed that some of them may have unusual styles of pissing?

There was a guy at my Cleveland job who was about 60 years old and very trim. He’d walk up to the urinal, pull out his cock (which was a good seven inches soft but weirdly thin), then put his hands on his hips, spread his legs wide, and start pissing. His elbows would stick out so far, no one could use the urinals on either side of him. That pose made him look like he was getting lined up forĀ calisthenics.

His stream was straight down into the bowl of the urinal, making a splash and getting his pants wet with water and urine. In all his years did he never learn to direct the stream to the wall of the urinal to avoid splashing on himself?

There was this other guy at that same job who was about 24 years old and was one of the factory workers. He was an exhibitionist blessed with a gargantuan cock, and he wanted to make sure everyone knew it. He would strike a pose perpendicular to the pisser and pullout his python of a penis and piss sideways (alliteration overload!). He made sure he talked to everyone who walked by so that all would see his monster cock in action. It was a sight! And it still ranks as one of the biggest cocks I’ve ever seen.

At my Sarasota job we had an IT guy from China. He couldn’t speak English so well, but he sure was good at database programming. He’d come into the men’s room and approach the urinal but stop short of it. He’d undo his belt and unzip his pants, but didn’t just lower them a little or let them drop. He pushed them all the way down to his ankles by doing a big full-body bend. He’d do the same thing with his underwear.

It was a bit of a ceremony really. Once they were both down he’d scoot up to the urinal, dragging his pants on the floor, and finally take his piss.

Guys would be walking in and out of the john looking at him and his lily-white hairless ass, smirking at him. I’d always wonder if his pants were getting wet from piss puddles on the floor.

When he was done he’d scoot back from the urinal and do a big reverse ceremony pulling his underwear and pants back up. Do all Chinese guys piss like that? Maybe I’ll have to book a trip to China to find out.

Do you know anyone who has a peculiar pissing procedure?

Nik April 15, 2011 at 7:33 am

That’s an (ahem) interesting topic. I have no anecdotes to share though. I’ve been working in a small company with no urinals, just individual cubicles. I have sadly no experiences in the matter…

Behrmark April 15, 2011 at 7:48 am

Hmmm. My career has been governed by “mens room etiquette,” which primarily dictates that one does not look. There’s no show and tell in my workplace.

Ron April 15, 2011 at 9:43 am

A very interesting post! I wouldn’t know of men’s pissing procedures because I’m one of those ‘pee shy’ guys. In fact, that’s why I was so confused when I was growing up gay in a small town in PA. I thought all gays were dirty old men who hung around men’s rooms taking a peek at guys taking a piss. I knew I wasn’t one of them so WHAT WAS I? Perhaps my toughest time was when I was in the Army during field exercises when the only way to take a piss one had to stand and go in a barrel that was filled with a tar like substance. Since this barrel was circular and the other guys (most of them hung big time by the way which was VERY DISTRACTING), I couldn’t avoid looking and being looked at. Even though I’m well endowed (I inherited that gene from my father who was HUGE), I cannot pee with someone looking at me. I can’t explain it, but there is some kind of disconnect between my brain and my pee maker that stops the pee flow. I’ve since learned I’m not the only one with this ‘affliction’. I can walk around naked in a public shower, be examined naked in a doctor’s office with the door opened (which has happened) and even had my anus checked (after two sphincterotomy operations) by a team of doctors and their females assistants but to this day I cannot pee with an audience. So, I wouldn’t know but again, an interesting posting. By the way, since the Army I’ve always managed to find a booth to enclose myself before I take a pee.

anne marie in philly April 15, 2011 at 6:32 pm

both my ex-husband and current husband are “pee shy” AND both sit down to pee in a closed stall/home bathroom.

small world, isn’t it?

Ron April 15, 2011 at 6:55 pm

Anne Marie,
You have exposed my ‘little’ secret. I almost always sit down to pee. I don’t like all that pee splashing on my pants plus I don’t like to make the splashing sound. There are exceptions but if I can sit, I sit. Not butch but there it is.

Cubby April 15, 2011 at 7:44 pm

I’m going to chime in here too regarding sitting down to piss. I hope this isn’t TMI for anyone. I typically don’t stand to piss at home. I have a physical reason for not doing so. I have a really long piss slit and under normal circumstances my piss comes out in two streams, one from each end of the slit. Most of the time I just cannot bear down hard enough to force the piss to open the slit entirely to produce a single stream. The consequence of having two streams is that while I can accurately aim one of the streams into the bowl, the other stream ends up out of the bowl and on the floor. Or the wall. Or my leg. Sitting on a toilet or using a urinal solves the problem.

Ron April 15, 2011 at 9:09 pm

Cubby,

Believe it or not but my father had the same condition that you have…he peed two streams! I believe that is why he almost always sat on the toilet when he took a piss. He lived in the country and often took a leak out in the woods. Then he stood but in the house, at the request of my Mother, he sat.

Buddy Bear April 15, 2011 at 5:58 pm

The men’s room had a row of urinals down one wall and a wall-sized full length mirror on the opposite wall facing the urinals. We were all EXTREMELY drunk. (this happened over 20 years ago) Our friend unzipped and proceeded to piss against the reflection in the mirror and never did notice that it wasn’t the actual urinal. Pee splashed everywhere. “Luke, you are pissing on the mirror!!!” Fun times!

Will J April 15, 2011 at 7:33 pm

As a Stationary Engineer once told me “Some people deserve to be splashed.”

Tony P April 15, 2011 at 9:09 pm

Never worked in a place where urinals didn’t have a separator wall between them. Or just a single urinal. So I can’t tell any stories.

Urspo April 16, 2011 at 12:28 am

sociologists and anthropologists have written gobs on this topic !

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IzO1mCAVyMw

Cubby April 16, 2011 at 8:09 am

That vid is a riot!

M@rvin April 16, 2011 at 3:29 am

Some very interesting anecdotes here. If there’s no partition, I don’t use the urinals – I’m a bit shy, and besides, why show some straight guy my dick when he won’t even play with it LOL? Lots of Chinese grad students in my building, not seen any with the ritual you mentioned yet – alas! :-)

What I really can’t understand are guys that spit into urinals as they pee – it stinks enough already, why open your mouth to taste it? It’s disturbing when the guy next to me does that. :-)

Raybeard April 16, 2011 at 3:36 am

I’m yet another one who is, or at least used to be, piss-shy. I never once used the school toilets between the ages of 11 until I left at 16. (The school was close enough for me to go home for lunch every day so I was able to relieve myself then.) Oddly, at my primary school I never had a problem with using the toilets even though that was even closer to home.
Then, when starting to use bars away from my home town and going on holiday, I found I had to go all the way back to my hotel to use my private en-suite bathroom there (which I always insisted on) whenever I wanted a piss – highly inconvenient, especially when I’d just met someone nice.
Many years later a dear, now-departed, friend suggested I try a homeopathic remedy for my problem. I resisted at first as the whole concept of that particular ‘alternative health treatment’ was highly dubious to me as well as being totally illogical and against all scientific reasoning. But he did further research and came up with exactly what I ought to try – and on the basis of there being nothing to lose I gave in and took it. The effect was spectacular. My problem of pissing when others were present almost disappeared overnight. I stress the ‘almost’ because there is certainly a residual shyness there, but that could well be a replaying of the memory of my difficulty. But since then it is no longer anything like the major problem it was, although I must confess, for added privacy I still prefer to go into a cubicle if there’s one available, though it’s not now absolutely necessary – AND I do stand up!

Cubby April 16, 2011 at 8:18 am

Ray, aren’t you going to share with us what the homeopathic remedy was? Or maybe you were making some kind of joke and I’m too dense to get it.

Ron April 16, 2011 at 8:21 am

Raybeard,

So what was the homeopathic remedy? I’ve tried to urinate in an open stall but when the guy next to me is staring at my dick, my pee stream just stops. I have found that whenever I do try to urinate at an open stall, almost all men (if not all), straight or gay (or whatever) always ‘take a look.’ I don’t look and I’m gay. I’ve never been able to reconcile why all these men need to check out someone else’s dick. But then again I think I do. The few guys I have seen that are bigger than be don’t seem to look. Apparently they are satisfied with the size of their dicks. When I was growing up the only dicks I saw were my father’s, and some of his ten brothers. They all had large dicks. Of course I saw my brother’s dicks too but they were young so I didn’t expect them to be as big as my father or uncles. But when I got into high school I noticed at shower time after gym that most guys had much smaller dicks that the ones I was used to seeing. A LOT smaller. Then when I was in the Army, same thing. A LOT of little dicks. Occasionally I would see someone my size. It wasn’t until I got out of the Army and started going to the bars that I met a few guys with truly gigantic dicks. I can remember the three guys to this day. Horse dicks. Everyone else, 5 to 3 inches was the average. So I think that’s why most guys check out other guy’s dicks at the urinals. They want to make sure they don’t have the smallest dick. The one time in a gay bar that I did use the ‘urinal’ which was actually a trough, I learned my lesson well. I had a line of guys following me out after I finished. I guess if I was a pig or slut I wouldn’t have minded all this ‘attention’ but since I was looking for romance (always have and always will), this wasn’t working for me. By the way, sitting down is okay. It doesn’t indicate that one is feminine. Just that I don’t want all that piss splashing all over me and the toilet seat.

Raybeard April 16, 2011 at 12:34 pm

Cubby & Ron – I wasn’t deliberately trying to hold back the remedy but I should have said that (from what I understand) what one takes depends on what ‘type’ one is. I believe that under homeopathy everyone is categorised (rather like in Astrology) into mental and physical characteristics and when the predominant ‘type’ is identified then one ought to take one particular soluble powder to ‘iron out’ any defects. I’m in no way an expert on the subject but I think there are significantly more than just the twelve zodiacal ‘types’. (I dare say the Internet will provide more accurate info than I know off the top of my head.) My friend identified me as being the type known as ‘Nat. Mur.’, though I forget what that name stands for. (He himself was of the type ‘Nux. Vomica’, I remember. These are abbreviations of Latin words.) Anyway, he consulted with a homeopathic expert about my pissing shyness problem on my behalf, and was recommended what level of concentration of the powder I should take. I don’t remember what doseage it was now, but it was very high in that homeopathic terms – which, confusedly, means very low in the actual chemical terms. I just took it the once after leaving the powder aside for quite some time, never believing it could work as I was such a sceptic on the subject. But take it I eventually did – and, as I say, it (or something) actually did have the desired effect, much to my own astonishment as I certainly wasn’t expecting it to.
Since then although I still have a certain scepticism about homeopathy because it defies all rationality, where the greater the dilution the more effective the treatment is, and the water-element of a solution is claimed to retain a ‘memory’, I am not as outright hostile to the subject as I once was. I await science to find out why it does work, if indeed it does. I’ve also heard that it is used quite successfully on animals such as horses and domestic pets, who obviously can make no value judgments on its efficacy.
Hope all that helps – or maybe it’s even more confusing now!

Ron April 16, 2011 at 12:56 pm

Raybeard,
Thank you for the information about homeopathy. I don’t know anything about it and I am skeptical as you were (are?).
I always believed that the reason I was pee shy was because I didn’t want unwanted advances from men. I’ve always been that way ever since I was a young boy (and received unwanted attention.) Maybe that’s why I was never sexually abused like (apparently) a lot of gay men were in their youth. I think I carried that fear of someone coming on to me into my adulthood to where if they saw me taking a pee and they took ‘a look’, I was so self conscious that they would think I was interested. My biggest problem coming out was fending off unwanted attention. I’m like a lot of people in that I want everyone to like me but not necessarily sexually. Thus I found it hard (and still do, I’m undergoing a recent development that I’m tempted to write about on my blog but don’t because I know he reads my blog) to tell someone to “Fuck off!” or that “I’m just not interested.” Thus, when I stand at a urinal and start to take a pee, invariably if someone else comes into the men’s room them will stand nearby and always ‘take a look.’ I think both straight and gay men do this and it pisses me off (no pun intended.) When I go to the bathroom all I want to do is take a piss, not cruise for a trick.

Raybeard April 17, 2011 at 2:24 am

Ron: I think you’d be surprised how common your feelings are re getting unwanted attention when just wanting to piss, expecting anyone in the vicinity to be curious about comparative sizes. Trouble is, most men, gay or not, ARE curious – and (I plead guilty here) sometimes want a bit more than just a look, especially when one has imbibed a bit too much and inhibitions have been dropped.
As for your previous comment above I too have always been shy re size, in my case being that I’ve never known a cock like mine where there is such a difference in size between the two states. When ‘in repose’ mine can look VERY small but when tumescent it’s at least fully up to average. I therefore tended to avoid taking showers with others, though there eventually came a point where I just couldn’t give a hoot what they thought. I certainly wasn’t going to illustrate my particular ‘peculiarity’ with my hetero friends following a game of squash ! In fact I’m sure they were trying harder to avoid my seeing them looking at me than I was curious about them. I didn’t even notice whether or not they were ‘cut’ – I just wasn’t interested.
Btw: I’m intrigued by your having seen your father’s as well as some of his brothers’ and your own brothers’. I realise that you, like me, were never sexually abused (thankfully) but I was wondering about the scenario in which you did see them. I never saw my dad’s or any of my three brothers’, even when young – unless it was at such a time when I was so very young that I don’t remember. Certainly no impressions are left in my mind.

Ron April 16, 2011 at 1:54 pm

Hey Cubby, you know how to stir things up don’t you? :)

Cubby April 16, 2011 at 2:53 pm

Here’s a different story from the same bathroom I told a year ago…
http://www.patentlyqueer.com/2009/08/30/you-aint-got-nothin-i-aint-seen-before/

And here’s yet another story from the same bathroom. I worked there for 9 years and a lot happened in there…
http://www.patentlyqueer.com/2009/09/17/homo-lingo-a-primer-part-1/

Birdie April 17, 2011 at 9:19 pm

I have absolutely nothing to add to this, except this excellent instructional video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2MsEaRbVuzs

wondermann April 18, 2011 at 2:12 am

Wow, I haven’t thought about this before

Carlos April 18, 2011 at 4:26 pm

I was never pee shy growing up or even at all my schools. I always used the urinals or troughs as the cubicles were for numbers two’s and would sometimes be miffed by folk who used them too pee (this view has since changed). Throughout my life I have glanced occasionally at people I though attractive and I’ve never minded if people glance at me.

Then sometime in my twenties I seemed to wake up one day and suddenly became self conscious. I’ve never worked out exactly why but I suspect that it had something to do with the bars and clubs I started going out too and the glaring by others at my dick. It was and still is at times over the top. For the most part I use the cubicle but don’t mind using the urinals when they are not crowded. In gay clubs/bars I’ve been known to use the ladies restroom when the male restroom in over full and there is a long cue to the cubicles and urinals. Once I get started and am half way into my pee, I am ok if someone pulls up next to me.

I’m not shy to be naked around other men in the showers at the gym for example. I do have to be careful at times if a very hot guy is about as I can at times be very easily and quickly aroused. I’m not one for casual knee trembler’s and do appreciate some folk may not be flattered you find them attractive in such a visible way. But otherwise I adjust my behavior and dress sense according to where I am taking into account country culture and general sensibilities etc.

Ron April 18, 2011 at 11:17 pm

Carlos,
You hit upon the exact reason that I am shy about being observed when I pee. I never thought about it to much until I was about 10 or 11 years old. Those times when I used a public men’s room there always seemed to be some dirty old man hanging around the sink or urinals waiting to take a look. Okay, a peek was okay but these guys would ‘go over the top’ as you put it. At that time it so repulsed me that I couldn’t pee. I guess over the years I associated peeing in public with repulsion of those men won had to ogle. I too never have had a problem walking around naked in public showers but was only concerned with the occasional hot guy and then I worried about getting an erection. I think it was interesting to learn that you were ‘miffed’ by those guys who used a stall. I usually use a stall if someone else is at the urinal when I go into a men’s room. I get the feeling they’re ‘miffed’ too. Fuck ‘em.

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