Oh! Oh! I learned two new terms this weekend and can’t wait to share them with you.
I love talking with friends about sex. It really makes me happy. A couple days ago I was sitting around with a couple old-timers and one young guy, and I mentioned that my body produces an insane amount of precum and I start leaking within seconds of becoming the slightest bit horny. That opened the door to lengthy conversation about sex that streamed off in all sorts of unexpected directions.
One of the old-timers said he had never tasted his own cum. I thought that was kind of odd myself, because the very first thing I did when I was 13 years old and came for the first time was taste it. So I asked him if that meant he had never snowballed. Then the other old-timer said he didn’t know what snowballing was. I explained to him that snowballing means when one guy takes a load from his man, then kisses him and passes the cum back to him. My friend said back in England (where he’s from) it’s known as a Heaven’s Kiss! I like that name much better.
But those aren’t the new terms I learned about. At this point in the conversation we started throwing out sex terms to each other to see if we all knew them. I brought up the terms Tossing Salad and Rusty Trombone, and they all knew them. Then the young guy came up with two gems: a Blumpkin and a Grumpy Munchkin. Just the names make me laugh uncontrollably. Im laughign so hard rihgt no I can barely tpyett his!
In my mind, Munchkins are the most wonderful people from my childhood. Images of The Wizard of Oz fill my head whenever I see the word. To have the word somehow associated with sex is a little disturbing, but yet intriguing.
And weren’t all the Munchkins happy? I suppose those three guys who represent the Lollipop Guild were a little off, but I wouldn’t call them grumpy. I just figured they were from Boston. (I’d totally do the one in green, btw. I’ve got a major thing for little people).
What are a Blumpkin and a Grumpy Munchkin anyway? Let’s turn to the Homo Lingo primer. I want to avoid being overly crass (ha!), so I’m going to take the easy way out and refer you to the Urban Dictionary for more colorful descriptions.
**WARNING: What you read next may induce horror, shock, seizures, and cause you to rock back and forth in the fetal position.** But if you are into this kind of thing it may induce happiness, joy, and glee. I’m in the former group myself.
Blumpkin — The act of receiving a blowjob while taking a dump.
Grumpy Munchkin — One who gives a blowjob while taking a dump.
Ewww, I know. Not as good as the cool names would suggest. Now I’m left wondering… what if both the giver and receiver of the blowjob are taking dumps?
